Fire in the Hole

Crazier by the minute. A loaded tank inside Manila Penn. A failed rebellion. Tear-gas. A forced curfew. An oppressed but seemingly self-motivated senator. A super kapal-muks hobbit sitting above it all. What next. I turned the TV off. I wanted to turn it off just as soon as i realized what was happening but i couldn't. I guess I cant be apathetic. hay..Forgive me if i care for a little politics and i care for this undeserving government more than i do my nails and pedicure. Yes sometimes im also maarte. I want glitters in the right places, colors i can wear and i freak out over a pimple. But I also fret for this country. The dollar rates go down and the peso goes up but for me this is just visual manipulation, they show us the numbers but there is no real change to show in reality. The people are still killing each other for money, the poverty is so bad even a nine year old kid commits suicide. You are forcing us all to be nurses (need i explain?). hahaha dun pala ang bagsak eh noh?

The Way to Keep Me.

dont lose me.
i know you question me.
i question me too.
but you know i tell you everything.
and i thank you for your patience.

i know you said you'd make me stay.
make me stay forever.
but that's not the way i want it now.
dont scare me with foreverrrrrrrrrrrr.

because we only need to make it...
one day at a time.

so when you tell a joke, i'd remember i laughed.
so when we are here we'll know we are
and when you make me happy you'll see me when i smile
let me take the plunge every day.
make me fall in love.

so dont give me forever.
where colors dont change and time just makes you old.

give me one day at a time.
and keep me forever.

;c neyo im so sick.

hay... blog title pa lang corny na.

Im feeling sick. actually kagabi pa ako sick. My head aches and my nose is stuffed. Hirap me makahinga, i feel like para akong hinihingal na aso, since i have to breathe through my mouth. Add pa natin ang sore throat. Kanina pa ako nag wa water-therapy, super dami ko nainom (exagggggg) feeling ko nga pag nilunok ko si nemo hindi siya mamamatay, yung nga lang hindi na siya mahahanap ng daddy niya. (muwahhahaha) hay nako nababaliw na ako. I took one sinutab, one decolgen and one bio flu. And now binigyan pa ako ni Mhaan ng neozep. Hindi ko naman minamadali ang aking pag galing noh? oh well you got me..addict siguro ako sa mga decongestant at paracetamol ;p.

I was supposed to drop by a friend's house last night to give a post birthday gift to my inaanak but i was feeling so bad that i went straight home. After dinner, I went to sleep na kaagad. I only woke up around 10:30 pm to eat grilled chicken which Ryan brought home but then I went back to sleep as in upo-kain-higa. (oink) Sue me I was too sleepy too sick to get up and brush my teeth. *turn-off. ;p* When I woke up, my sore throat got worse, but in fairness naman i brushed my teeth (finally) kaagad and gargled listerine. I deperately need to get well today. or else paano ko haharapin ang bukas? (ok its certified.. im sick and its getting to my head)

On the bus ride to work, nahihilo hilo pa ako. I dont know if it's because i woke up too early...5:30 am or talagang masama pakiramdam ko ( i think both ). So I plugged the earphones to my ears and slept on the way. Wa-poise na kung wa-poise. I need all the rest i can get. Badtrip lang the sun was up too high today and nabubulag talaga ako sa reflection ng window. I closed my eyes pero napapakunot pa rin ako so what i did was sinabog ko yung hair ko sa mukha ko ala' kurtina. Finally some shade.

I need more vitamins. I need more stress tabs. I need some more tender loving care. naks!

Before i went inside the office building, bumili muna ako ng hotdog bun sa mini stop (pepperoni as always).I thought food might help. Ahh.. I dont feel so good. Gusto ko lang mag curl up sa kama and mag mukhang haggard without a care in the world parang ganon. Friday na please.

Lumilindol.

"Lumilindol", thats usually the first thing we tell the person next to us in a sudden occurence like this.We were browsing for online stores when we felt the earthquake. It lasted for a few seconds and I think we (mhaan and I) just stood still until it stopped. -- around 1 pm 11/27/07 Intesity 5.4 (as according to the news)

One of the most unforgettable earthquakes in my life happened some time during high school and we were all already in bed. The cabinet doors started to swing open and close,and when you look out the windows, wires were sparkling lights, glitching. The electricity went out. The whole building was dancing. The old crystal chandelier in the living room was swaying. It was one of the best time the wind chimes can sound the scariest.When it didnt stop after some time, it didnt look safe anymore so we decided it was best to leave. They told me to bring only the most important things. And its funny because looking back now, I remember grabbing only for my rubber shoes, my high school volleyball varsity uniform and my poems. Lumilindol na game pa rin ang iniisip.

Thank God for his grace.

Earthquakes, dont just shake the ground, they shake lives of people and they shake our hearts to remembering those most important to us. (Anep! :p biglang nagka-moral value? ;p haha at least kahit one sentence sa blog na to nag ka sense. ;p)

dont over-play ;p

I have deleted "Best I Ever Had" off the pc, Ive copied it to my ipod. Its a funny song. It reminds me of that time when i use to play it over and over again until someone i used to know finally ejected the cd from the player and scratched it enthusiastically to its destruction (literally) hahaha more like to its pirated death. I really love that song. Sunset at the beach and an ice chilled mango shake on my right hand would best describe it. Rest assured I dont play it on repeat mode anymore (hahaha) Im avoiding violent reactions :p,it's not my most played song either and best yet, no one i know now is out to scratch it/delete it to its destruction anymore. :P

Magandang Umaga Bayan

A lady in glowing hot-pink-spaghetti-strap-top screamed "Pu***** ina mo Pepe! Tang*** mo! Manyakis ka!". A little boy who was bottomless, playing dip-hands in dirty water, ideal for microorganism residency on the sidewalk canal. The homeless, sleeping on the corner. The buzzing Jeepneys and the engine smoke delight. Good morning Pilipinas. We live another day.

The pedicab route passes by a certain wonderland and Alice is not here.

The Little Talent Show

cute cute cute. That's our little princess. She was crying so bad inside the ultrasound room that we had to hold her down, and try to calm her . I tried distracting her by telling her we were going home already and all she had to do was say goodbye to the doctors. In the middle of her screams and wails, she let out a cute sob.. "buh-bye". --The 'bye' melts m&m's in their brown and yellow packages.-- That's how cute. For the next few minutes i kept her busy by asking her to do her bibo baby tricks. All in all... I asked her to show the doctors how to do "twinkle-twinkle" "close-open" "i have two hands" and yes i think even "beautiful eyes" pa pala and she did them,........... all while she was still wailing.
As they say, the show must go on. :)

Another fact is , It wasnt easy to hold Czesca down while she was crying her heart out. There was a sting in my heart and shake in my voice. But we needed to go through it. After the procedure, I just had to hug her really tight and say sorry to her (literally), for being scared and held down, for not knowing what is happening and for not being able to make any physical pain (if any) my own. she is our little princess.

LBM

TAKLESA. Thats what ive been yesterday to my mom.
I was just already so worried with Czesca, I didnt want to hear her comparing Czesca's situation to Rain's anymore. It was already so vivid in my mind - the unwanted flashbacks. I hated it.

She kept saying "Oo ganyan rin sinabi nila sa akin dati eh..." "oo kainis nga pag sinabi sa yo na walang gamot" "kawawa naman si czesca parehong pareho noon kay Rain" The test result weren't out yet and I was really anxious and It was not helping to hear her compare Czesca to my sister who is dead already. In my mind it was like i was whispering back that its not the same and It cant be. and I just lost it. I screamed "PATAY NA SI RAIN! PATAY NA SI RAIN! PATAY! PATAY! HUWAG MO SIYA IKUMPARA KAY RAIN! NAKALIBING NA SIYA SA LUPA!" i freaked out, it was like all the hidden tension that i didnt want to disclose just escaped me like loose bowel.

It was after I got the results 'prominent lump but no cystic masses found' that I was a little bit relieved and realized what i probably did to my mom. It was definitely wrong and certainly hurtful to scream to her that my sister is already nasa lupa and dead like she was just some random deceased. I was cruel and selfish (and was very offensive). I called my mom when i got back, blowed balloons out of surgical gloves for my youngest brother and eased the tension silently. I certainly did not want to watch my sister die,or lose her, I wanted her to live. I also knew how much hurt it brought us and my mom. Im sorry rain, Achie didnt mean it.

My Happiness

One minute life was savvy and then the next minute its adversity.

We can never really predict where the wind blows next. Saturday was the day. It was also the day for my turn on sore eyes. Please see below photo of my swelling peepers:

No - I was not in Pinoy Mano Mano. These are compliments of my mom. virus ka...;p

I hid them in disguise via my 50php tiangge-bought old red shades, which i had to fish out with an umbrella from the back of the shoe cabinet amongst the dust and spider cobwebs. I used it for the first time ever. My eyes were practically morning glory factory and very much swelling. If it looked good on me (the shades), it was the least of my priorities, but i must admit, I thought of it.

Life has an odd way of piling up misfortune on your head sometimes. And my state of conjunctivitis was just a small dot to what we were given next:

"My Happiness is when I know they are safe" Does anybody ever take my friendster profile seriously, or is it just another poetic introduction?. Im serious. Saturday night- I was reminded, that my happiness is when i know they are safe. There is a lump on Czesca's left breast. This life is twisted. Oh my goodness. I was just praying to God, to let the results be okay, atleast give us hope or give us something to look forward to. She is God's grace and I refuse to believe she is anything other than that. I remembered myself when my sister got sick and I put my hand on rain's head, out of desperation, i just prayed for her to be healed ( ala' faith-healer stance.yes). I sort of just said then"Lord I know im not the right person to do this, im not even worthy, Im not a prophet and Im not even a good christian but give us a miracle, heal her. dont take her away". Lets have a recap. A few days after, my sister was dead. God doesnt always answer our prayers they way we want Him to. It was traumatic. After a situation like that, it tend to make you paranoid. So involuntarily, memories of my sister flashed back in my mind and I really dont want history to repeat itself, especially on Czesca. I was just praying so hard, I said It didnt work before,but it has to now. Im not asking for a miracle now. Im asking for mercy. (we were really scared. ) Im not asking for strength. Im asking for faith.

Monday came and the results were out: There is nothing we can do about the lump at the moment. There is no medicine, we just have to monitor closely every month and do a sonomammogram test (if i said that right). In every result, hope to find consistently no cyst or any sort of transformation of the lump. Im feeling better, there is no way that i will look at this again with pessimism in my heart, I did my prayer and nowI'll do my faith. Czesca is okay, she is still her playful beautiful self. The doctor said the good news is there is chance that it could go away by itself. We are willing to wait. And I am really looking forward to that day.. I know God has given us hope and its a good sign. (and I will keep my promise and I know She is still God's grace.) Thank you Lord for the good times and the adversities. May you always find your way in us when we tend to fall short most of the time. Keep them safe Lord. Keep them safe.

Office calls

Phone Rings (line 3):

Che: Hellowwww, good afternooon (in my sweetest voice)

Girl on the other line: Im Looking for Ms. Marcel...

Che: Sorry wrong number

Girl on the other line: Marcela Ngo?

Che: Wrong number..

Girl on the other line: 722..15..62?

Che: sorry ..65 kami. wrong number. (snob voice)

BLAG! ( I didnt have time for lost callers who wants to waste time asking me why she got the wrong number. wala ako sa mood nun eh.)

Phone Rings (line 3 again):

Che: Hellooww, good afternoon (sweetly)

Girl on the other line: Ms. Marcela..

Che: Wrong NUmber!!!

Girl on the other line: well Miss hindi kayo 65! 62 kayo!

Che: (BLAG, ;p I slammed the phone receiver!)

..and yes i learned by confirmation that we were '62'. In basketball terms "BUTATA". :P

Note: of course I did not use the actual Phone Number in this blog. die prank callers die :)

Lunch Breaks

If lunch breaks continue to be this long..I'll have to say....ZzzZZzzzzzzz.

First DAy

So I tried to make friends today, i made small talk of what little common ground we had (that i know). And unfortunately, the conversation just wont bounce (boing!!)back right. So after a few minutes of trying, I decided to move on and make friends with Ronald Mc Donald - he always seemed to be a happy fellow of yellow and red-orange. It was a few blocks away and I thought,a little exercise won't hurt. I ordered Nuggets with Fries. I tried my best to chew slowly, but what can you expect...how long will 5 pcs of nuggets last and we all know that eating fries alone is not fun at all. I picked on my fries as slowly as i can but i didnt even manage to eat more than 10 sticks. 5 Girls busy powdering themselves in the Restroom contributed a little more for the delay I needed -thanks..but then again I still have an hour and a half of break.Thankfully the Library gave me refuge. Internet. I think If i can find more nonsense to blog, I'll be able to ignore the time passing. So what else? lets see. Im guessing most of them are residing somewhere near here or within the proximity. They are probably at home watching TV. Anyway I can go home too, if i like and then just go back later, but i know myself...I probably wont be back if I do that. I wonder what they are doing at the office. Did we have air shipment for 6043 today? Did James already send the CAR and CAC report. My mind is somewhere else alright.

Ah I remember, I brought with me samples of the photos I've taken but to my dismay, Ms. Rima already resigned and the project for the newspaper thingy has been temporarily cancelled. Then all my excitement for today just went poof!. Is the clock not tick tocking at all? This is probably going to be one of the longest lunch breaks I had to endure awkwardly. And this morning during the introduction, I dont know why i was so shaky. I guess Im not so used to speaking in public as i thought i was since I've had the experience of talking to different people in my line of work,or I just maybe cant escape first day jitters.

SORE EYES

aaaAAAHHHHH!!! Sore eyes. According to Ryan it hasnt spread out yet to infect the other eye, so its still contained in one eye. I dont know how Czesca is feeling. Ryan just called me on my cel, he's waiting for me at home. Im going to have to rush home, take the bus to V. Mapa then from V. Mapa, take the LRT to Recto then get a pedicab ride home.

It was acquired virally, that im very certain. Just a week and a half ago, my 2 brothers, their dad, and my mother (being the last one to get infected) had red sore eyes and i strictly kept them off our room and in contact with Czesca. My mom is nakakainis sometimes, by the time the redness of her eyes was gradually fading she kept on insisting she was fine already and was always up to touching Czesca and going into our room. Last week i was able to guard her off, but this week, because I have to be at the office, Im guessing she had her time to playing Czesca til she finally passed on the virus. AaaaHhhhh.. She knows this first hand that when sore eyes are in the stage of healing, the virus is more likely at its most contagious stage and its not like i can stop and 100% guard Czesca from touching her face and eyes which likely increase the chances of infection. I hope its not much painful for Czesca to open her eyes and blink. Yaya, Ryan and Me will be on the red alert. I cant afford to get infected as well. Not now, my schedule is fully booked. Neither can Ryan, He has a flight to catch on Saturday. If he gets sore eyes, they might not allow him to proceed with joining the team for the trip to Singapore. The timing is so uncalled for. Im definitely not happy about it and definitely sad for Czesca. Our Little Princess...may sore eyes? kawawa naman.

Note: Its the rainy season, and its a cold season virus and this... just officially amplified our chances to get infected. I cant remember the last time i had sore eyes. Bata pa ata ako nun. However,Im not excited to rekindle the experience again. I saw my brother last weekend and their sore eyes made them look like Tiyanaks. The cheeks i can bear, puffy painful red eyes-no way.

PMS thoughts

Its a few more days and a different chapter of my life is going to collide with this current chapter and will go on as one. I dont know if I'm having migraines thinking about it or its just PMS. what am i thinking? No really.. what Am I thinking? ah yes the new chapter...Im looking forward to it. Im not looking forward to it.uh-huh Yep. Its PMS alright.

Pighati ng Bubwit

Paano magdalamhati ang batang si Czesca?
Note: No babies were bullied, pinched,bit and harmed in anyway during the shoot of these pictures. No baby trick was attempted to make any baby sad. No tears were expensed in spite of the struggle of this baby to do so. This baby had just had her nap and wanted mommy to pick her up. :)

(",)

We spent November 1st at Robinson's place to watch '30 days of night'. I cant really tell anymore how long its been since we last went there. I didnt know they had added a new wing to the mall. And I didnt know Taters moved. (see? thats how long..)Anyway so we pushed Czesca in her stroller until she fell asleep , to make sure she wont be causing any distraction during the movie, and then we went to the ticket booth. The lady said Czesca wasnt allowed to go in"R-13 po sir..ma'am" Actually, we already know they dont let babies in, we were just looking forward they wont be so strict when they see her asleep. *stupid. Disappointed,we ended up riding our way back home and settling for 8 episodes of 'Heroes' (Season 2). Bitin. It was 10 pm already when i pulled myself from watching TV.


SM - the next day to watch '30 days of night' (finally.) Both of us,with a fruitshake on one hand and a cup of corn on the other, except i was also hugging a big bag of popcorn. (oink-oink). AND considering we just had our lunch. SISIG And Chicken Barbecue served with garlic rice ( the devil-oink.) Anyway, the movie was great. .Ahh naiyak pa nga ako. kasi naman kasi naman. kawawa naman si Josh ;p (but not to be mistaken, hindi po ito drama. Horror.). 30 days of night. well-recommended.

And then there's Kenny (mekeni :P)- we saw her coming from the ticket line. We exchanged good smiles. And although i wasnt sure because i didnt see, i was thinking she's there with the new boyfriend. Then i remembered my brother, she really broke his heart. But i am not blaming her, there is no such thing as an easy goodbye. I should know. Actually I do. hm. :)

Then the next thing i remember is me falling asleep from imagining what if i was in a '30 days of night situation?'? :)

Note: I noticed that malls dont really spend much on decorations anymore the way they used to. Dati pag Halloween talagang halloween. Ngayon just spread out fibers of cotton , hang them somewhere...halloween na. orange and black.