Kung Ako ay Diyosa

I have always been fascinated with the Greeks' ideas on mythology.
I have been reading the book again. Naisip ko lang if you have never thought of it yourself:

I wondered just this morning, as I was on my way to work. That if I was a Goddess and if I can choose my symbol, what passion will I stand for? I honestly thought, Goddess of Bloopers first. Since it comes most naturally about me, but it did not seem like a gift, rather just a good curse, i guess. So I decided I’d be Goddess of Happy Thoughts na lang (move over Tinkerbell.Your magic dust is not needed here ;p)-but not that I'm always happy. It also doesn’t mean though that my logo will be that of the yellow smiley face or that I’m always laughing, smiling, joking around and being ridiculously happy all the time, being attracted to only insanely happy faces. Instead, Id like to be for those who are in deep shit. ;) and maybe aid them to find their happy thoughts at times when happy thoughts are most impossible. Kaso even then, when they are able to draw pictures of it in their mind already, they will not be instantly happy. It’s finally just there so next time when you see it you’d recognize what makes you truly happy and be able to appreciate it. Or at least give you hope.

I am such a kid at heart. I dont care. Because above all fictional depictions, is a true philosophy often overlooked.

I hope my point is clear that we most recognize our truest happiness in its simplest form when we are hell-deep sunken sad, and if in such pessimistic position we are able to come out optimistic.

Mahihibang Ka Rin

...Kapag tumibok ang puso

Early January, I placed a bet of 300 pesos that my friend and her ex-boyfriend would get back together again. To my dismay, ex-boyfriend is officially an X. He’s moved on with his new girlfriend. Obviously I did not see that coming and he was not aware of the 3-months-rule. (Sabagay, even I didn’t know anything about this rule until John Lloyd said there was such a thing. ;p) but by the way…, I don’t intend to pay! : P bwahahaha, the bet was supposed to be metaphorical anyway; the only expected facts were the getting-back-together-again-part, which unfortunately-for-my-fortune, did not happen. Pero have we not learned anything from our lives yet? “pustahan tayo keso ganito ganoon…ganyan..” Did we ever actually pay our little bets :P hehehe

In consolation to my con words, I’ve been a good friend, nagmala-chimay akong naglinis ng iyong silid, hindi ba? (but take note…take big note…nagmala-chimay lang,never mukhang chimay. ;p hahaha at talagang kailangan feelingera pa rin noh? Joke. ) While I listened to you asked the wrong questions but ironically derived the right answers?

Example:

Your question : mas mabuti naman akong tao kaysa sa iyo? Bakit nangyayari toh sa akin? (Ito ay isang example ng isang nonsense na katanungan – di ba? di ba?)

But it’s remarkable how she ends up with very important relevant answers:

Your own Answer: Ang pogi kasi niya. Ang pogi pogi niya. Grabeh ang Pogi niya.

Sarcasm.
Sweet as it is.

Love. Love. Love na naman. I almost blog the way common boy bands go on composing songs. Puro Love songs.

(This next line is for Elouise…. ;p) Child of the Smoked Fish! (And that’ll be the last of that word in my world of blogs. ;p)

But isn’t it true, that in all aspects of life, love is to be found, regardless kung happy or not. Love is somewhere behind every story (self, family, friendship, relationships, intimacy, lifestyle, career and finally life itself). The word starts off silly and it is often clichéd. But it is something people…which even in their exhaustion, never gets tired of. Parang hindi ka madala-dala. It is always interesting, it is always related, even when you are sick of it already. It is the sweetest and most painful irony this world has to offer. Minsan gusto mo magpasalamat sa Kupido, minsan gusto mo siyang sipain sa mukha.

But while it is all that, I still stand by what I believe in, that love is not complicated, we are. (haha…as if naman may kumontra eh no…pa stand by stand by pa ako :P)

Happy Frenzy Loving
Tribute to the last day of the love month.

ONE MORE CHANCE

Son of the smoked fish! In tagalog...Anak ng Tinapa! How could we love someone so greatly that we completely lose who we used to be. Or be loved but then still feel something wrong. Or completely love a person but then be heartbroken. How can we claim to know so much of our love but then be completely clueless the whole time? It all leads to to one big question "What if love is not enough?" (as quoted from the movie.)

Ngayon ko lang napanuod yung "One More Chance". In fairness, maganda nga naman,as opposed to pre-assumption na jologs daw (accdg to Ryan-who did like the movie after watching it).

What if nga naman if love is not enough? Minsan you love someone so greatly, lahat na ginagawa mo na for that person, what's best for the person/what's good for the person, everything that is good, para yon sa kanila. You're simple happiness lies in knowing you can love them, and that you do. But what if love is not enough?, quoting another line from the movie..."sometimes you have to break up in order to grow up..." Not sure kung yan yun exact words but the idea's there. Nice.

Here are other thoughts from the movie that I agree to:
- that sometimes it seems as though love is not enough.
- that sometimes you have to break up in order to grow up.
- that sometimes we have to lose the people we love in order to remember who we are and who they used to mean to us.
- that love can hurt so much, you find yourself saying (ansakit-sakit) take me lord, take me bwahaha natawa nga ako. The sentiments were familiar once. (we've all been there somehow.)
- that "mahal na mahal kita" are not just words.they should not be taken for granted.
- that i have to get me one of those wonder bra's and maximizers (hahaha kidding! pero yun pala mamaya bibili na)
- that love is not complicated. we are. (<---haha br="" my="" one="" own="" s="" this="">So when we are holding someone's hand in ours and we have love in our life. Learn not to take them for granted. We're all students of love anyways and there is no such thing as being a master to it. (this is subjective. Sorry Cassanovas ;p)

3C's of love:
~Communicate
~Compromise
~Cotongan mo na kung King Kupal na talaga. ;p

Ang paborito ko siguro yung kotongan. ;p Fun eh Fun. haha ;p

Ang Pag Ibig Ni Cherryl

kapag tumibok ang puso.

Although your love has not made me invincible...
to the craps of my life,
And Although I still notice, every time the world collapse around me
… you make me smile.
For whatever reason I don’t know how,
You are the court jester of my life.

I am to you what I am not to others.
You have shot me up the heavens and made me your star.
You have sent me kisses that kiss me even when I am most unkissable.
You have won my heart even when the feet wanted to leave.
You always made me stay.
You always make me want to stay.
And though I don’t feel all tingly when you are around,
I realized, It is only when you are around
that I am truly home.
That I could be me.
All that I am. And not care.

I’m sorry if I change like the weather sometimes,
If you ask me if I love you and I give you doubt,
If you love me for all that I am while I wonder if I have a heart…
You are the greatest love of my life.
And I will no longer be blind to it.
Love is not blind. It shouldn’t be anyway.

We have been through Hades and Shit.
And actually I still don’t believe in forever…,
In fact I don’t believe in me…
But you have made me believe in you.
That there is no other man
who would survive one day at a time with me
Everyday of his entire life.
Except the man who loves me the most.

I love you back. Ryan Dy.

I love you back..again.

Boy Tawid

...itatawid ko ang gutom ko.

Ryan drove me to work this morning:

che: "Hopia!" "Hopia!"
ryan: "Bakit ka ba Hopia ng Hopia jan!"
che: "Wala lang. eh gusto ko eh..paki mo?"
ryan: "hopia ka ng hopia jan eh Nakita mo nag da-drive ako?" (aba at magugulatin, hindi naman nag kape...)
che: "so???? hopia! hopia! hopia!"
and we ended up laughing. ;p (sweet namin noh?)

Na traumatize na ata ako. Eversince we encountered Manong Pabundol ng Pabangga Gang along Makati, pag may tumatawid, medyo uneasy na ako, pakiramdam ko, tatakbo silang bigla at babangga sa amin at gugulong gulong sa kalsada kaya ayan this morning napapa-hopia hopia ako (which is admittedly a poor choice of expression by the way...and hindi naman ako kumakain ng hopia). Especially pag nasa makati kami, I cant help but remind Ryan na may tao sa gilid, or may tao sa center island although alam ko naman na nakikita niya rin sila:

Che: "Oh! may tao! ingat!!" "AAHhh! wag kang tatawid! tanga!"
Ryan: "Anu ka ba? Ba't ka ba nag papanic?"
Che: "Hindi ako nag papanic..Its a trap!! kunyari hindi sila tatawid pero tatawid sila."
Ryan: "Anu ka ba? Hindi yan scammer, nakita mo naka formal attire, pang office.."
Che: "so??? costume lang nila yan!"
tapos tawanan na naman. ;p

I mean atleast hindi ako katulad ng boyfriend ng pinsan ko (although, fine O.A ako minsan, but i prefer the term 'cautious' hahaha ;p). Anyway, in the case of my cousin's bf: A person allegedly ran towards his car and shempre nabangga/nagpabangga. And medyo lang naman bumalentong rin. At dahil isang tunay na Samaritan ang boyfriend ng pinsan ko, huminto siya at binaba ang kanyang bintana.. sabay sigaw ng "Tanga!!!" then humarurot na paalis. Note: ayon sa kwento ni cousin's bf,hindi naman namatay at hindi rin naman nabali ang buto ni Boy Tawid. (malay ko. siguro na observe niya)

Hindi ko alam kung kulang ang pedestrian lanes sa Manila. Kulang ba ang mga Pedestrian lights (yun ba tawag dun?), kulang ba sa edukasyon ang mga tao? kulang ang pera ng bayan? or kulang kulang talaga mga ibang tao ngayon? I dont know, how many people ang nag gaganitong raket. Magpapabunggo for a little money? (little crimes like this have gigantic effects with regards to molding the majority's perception, tuloy nababalewala ang buhay,kapalit ng konting pera, so kasalanan ba ito ni Gloria,example.. instead sana nung pumunta sila ni FG sa dubai at tumira sa take note 7-star hotel na ang isang gabi ay hindi bababa ng 100,000$ or more, sana ginamit na lang ang hard cash na ito sa mga programang para sa mahihirap na nakapila para sa konting budget.) Sorry hindi ko napigil mag insert ng konting political subjective views...anyway... as far as I know,Life used to be more valuable.

Good morning Pilipinas!


~~Cash and Charge PartII~~

Inside Out.

Sometimes it is better to drive away and not know where you are going to, than to know you are coming home to a place you find heavy in your heart to live in. It feels this way sometimes. And I ask Ryan if we can stay longer in the car. Just sitting there. (I've mentioned this before) Sometimes I imagine that the road ahead us is never ending. It is just a long drive, period. And I find myself resting. For a few moments, It will almost seem like time has stopped and there is total silence. Sorry for the seemingly depressing blog, I guess I sort of lied then when i said it usually takes more to make me cry,or it takes so much more to break me. I said I've lived my life this far and I've always been strong and I'll always be strong. If you believed that 100%, tanga! Uto uto! ;p Sleeping Beauty made me cry, Beauty and the Beast made me cry, in short, even cartoons make me cry. So dapat 99% lang, so I can vent a little every now and then.

I thought that in my life, whats hard was putting up a happy face all the time, but just now i realized, Its harder to give in to whats bothering us deep inside and let it show a little kahit minsan lang, and not be analyzed or judged. (",)

~~The last of the Drama Blogs Part III~~

BAdong at Timong

....ang pag ibig ay para sa mga baliw.

My life is sporadic, it seems only I am consistent. Why do i consistently jinx myself to doing the wrong things and saying the wrong things at the right moments. Walang katapusan ba ang pagiging badong? Ito ba ay isang sumpa? I bring the infinite unbelievable bloopers into my life. I am the one to blame...or God (you're the boss) or Karma,who knows. Honestly I'm not too sure if I'm fine with it because I'm used to it or if i really am fine with it. But I can not believe what happened to me last night. It is truly(so far) the craziest most mortifying thing I have ever done in my life. And although I admit that I can be very garrulous. My lips are sealed forever. Even I freaked myself out. If it was funny or if it wasnt, that is least of my concerns. (Why God...why? ;p)

But for every wrong (CRAzzzzZZZyyyy) thing that happens, Life shows us something good at the same time. In serious relationships,(aside from other general connotations of life such as women being a pain in the ass and men being real stubborn migraines and headaches) women are supposed to be the one neck deep in love and men just knee-deep. Women remember the dates and men don't. We hold on to our men and look at them with forever in our eyes. Forever is just the like most exciting thing in the world, while it is the men that are supposed to have cold feet about it. But lately I'm not too sure I am one of those women I just mentioned. I don't know if that makes me a bad girl but i do feel a pang of guilt when I think about it. Hell, given the choice, I would love to be like all the other stepford girlfriends 24/7, but i can only be me (babadong badong). I am still loving (fyi. to be taken as a verb), but i have forgotten how it feels like to be in love. To have that silly smirk on my face the whole day, to have the world collapse around me and not notice. Am I being unfair (rhetorical question). Just to clarify though, I am not trying to search the world for a new guy or worst... a willing quirido ;p, my point is, the word in-love has eluded me and I just wish he could take me there again (or are chocolate stages lost forever?). I love him and I just wish in my heart that I could love him the same volume he loves me. He makes me feel perfect. I know there is no one else who could love me the way he does. He loves me, amazingly...despite my topaks.(I unscrew the nails that holds your brains together-that crazy). He deserves the same kind of love. I'm working on it, he knows that. Im retracing my steps.

and yung na nga..Last night when the craziest (but wholesome) thing happened to me, he was there. I was freaking out and he was laughing. I hit him a few times for doing so. The whole scene was really confusing. It is like what i have already said before in my other blog, that everything i do, he looks at me like im the cutest little fluffy bunny in the world. Minsan hindi ko alam kung sino ang praning. Ako ba o siya? o pareho kami? Timong ka. Timong. ;p but i watched him and waited what he was going to do and he did what no other boyfriend could have done as a first reaction ( as based on subjective perception) and at that moment I was reminded (by God...or Karma, who knows), that even when i said that i have forgotten whats its like to be in love,I remembered why i fell in love with him in the first place.

Dati noong magulo pa ang lahat sa amin.
I stayed beside him while the world said I was the stupidest stupidest girl in the world (if there is such a word as 'stupidest')
Ang lovey dovey sabi ko naman noon : Even if love is full of thorns, embrace it. For in between those thorns is a love worth all the pain. (inspirational liner was not composed by me, fyi.)

So i guess the saying's true. :)
And if there is a love worth all the pain.
there will always be a love worth staying for.

~~Love me the way i are(part II)~~

Happy heartS everybody!!

Kubrador at Cobrabird

...hindi ako takot sa ahas.


"May kukubrahin pa ko sa katapusan" keso "kubra" dito "kubra" doon. What an infuriating term. Kubra. Kubra. Kubra. Is there no other more acceptable term like "Kunin" "Kikitain" ? So after many "kubras" hindi ko na natiis so i asked an equally maddening question "'Kubra' ka ng 'Kubra' jan!, Ahas ka? Cobra ka ba?" so I cupped one of my hands to imitate a snake's form (a cobra's, to be specific.)and then nag batang-isip mode :

Che: "SSSssshhhhh....SsssssSSshhh.."

Ryan: "Ah..anong ginagawa mo?"

Then I jabbed him on his right arm using my ala-snake formed right hand.) Yes. seriously i did -ala bruce lee style, that is if you know the bruce lee moves. ;p

"kubra-kubra-kubrahin kita jan e"

Eh cute ako (feelingera ;p), kaya natawa naman siya ;p hahaha and shempre nauna na akong tumatawa haha.

(Ang kulit ko noh.., pag mature ka na ba.. dapat di ka na makulit? ..not to worry I am at other instances and situations, sophisticated and responsible naman... but as for other times (like this)... I vow to be more mature and to act more matured, to leave all my corny jokes behind and all my badong hirits and all my silly stunts when i reach the age of...... 85. ) Congrats! So If you die before me, It'll be like a good thing, but if i die before you, you'll miss me. ;)
Plus anyway, i haven't heard the word 'kubra' since....hmm. Effective?

Actually I have had past experiences with the phonetically-alike word 'cobra' also:

CSB days. Lianes and I were talking in Class then, about men (yes you talk about us , we talk about you ) and other thingssss. When we got hold of the class attendance sheet or something like that which has everyone's id number and email address on it. There was one very distracting email address of a certain classmate that really got us laughing, panu ba naman COBRABIRD_*******@yahoo.com, so we looked around in class for who could be potentially this egoistic to create such an email add to see if he looks like he does live up to his email add. Bintang dito Bintang doon pa kami, all the while joking that this cobrabird guy is DaNgErOus, keso nanunuklaw yun ,makamandag, mamatay ka pag ginawa niyo kase venomous...etc. ;p Lianes is so equally kalog pa naman. Super laugh trip. Yun pala this Cobrabird guy is the one sitting just right infront of us. Ang lakas lakas pa ng boses namin and we were really snickering wildly the whole time. Nakakaloka, He just sat there listening to us as we pulled all sort of stupid jokes about his email...ang sama sama namin---awkward. We're really sorry cobrabird. But Nope, he did not look like an owner of a cobra bird, only a cobrabird email. ;p I bet nagpalit na siya ng email add ngayon. (just to clarify...Lianes and I, we're good girls...nagkataon lang natawa kami. bawal???!)

Note: If you know the guy, wag niyo na ako isumbong. ;p Nagbago na ako. naniniwala na akong posibleng may cobrabird sa mundo. wahahaha. joke. huling hirit na yan promise. ;p

Sekaba

...dahil sa iyo lamang ang panlasa mo.

' "Sekaba" ang sarap ng kinakain mo' - so whats up with sekaba? I gave Ryan this weird look and continued to mix my food. What the hell is sekaba? I gave in to curiosity and so proceeded to ask what Sekaba is. Sekaba stands for Semi-Kaning-Baboy, he laughed. 'Ah ganon...gago ka' ;p

I was mixing Ryan's extra order of sweet and sour sauce,the resto's regular soy sauce, a platter of thin chips, about 6 kalamansi squeezes and strips of oily saggy Pata fats(off Ryan's plate) to my Plain congee. Sort of Sekaba, fine. ;p But I like my congee this way, It actually tastes good. Promise. ;p hahaha. At sa lagay na toh, mapili pa ako sa pagkain. haha ;p

Carebears VS. Critters

Why do i do that? I blog about you but then delete it a few days after.
It is not that I retract what i said.
Maybe Its because i care how you'd feel.
You obviously dont care about mine or actually you think you dont have to.
But in my case, member ako ng Carebears. So as far as there is caring concerned,I cant help it. ;p OMG Bakit hindi na lang ako naging Critters, mabalahibo din naman yun ah ;{

Minsan gusto ko mag emote, minsan wala na akong masabi, sa tinagal ng panahon, i feel like nasabi ko na lahat and there is nothing new to say and I dont want to go back to being 13 and asking the million why's. Its pointless. Ayoko ng i-bold ang mga fonts na matagal ng font size number 72 . And one more fact of life (subjectively), When you're 13, the world understands what makes you sad and symphatizes with you, but when you are 24, the world expects you to handle it (who wants to hear your drama?). So I try. and I do.

Pero kung meron pa akong hindi nasasabi sa iyo ito ay ang:

**** ka **** ka

(4 letter word is not referring to word "fuck" OR "gago" Or "shit". Hindi naman kita mumurahin noh. ;p)
haha blog na nga lang censored pa rin hahaha.
Ito na yun todo-critters wannabe na ako sa lagay na yan at this moment.
Parang Funny noh, Parang di naman ako seryoso. Pero Im serious and I cant say Im not affected.
Hindi lang ako Emo kaya Im visually colorful, kahit black pa ang suotin ko colorful pa din yun sa akin. (why be Emo? I dont need to put up a sad face wearing troubled fashion when i can still smile di ba?). You stand by your alibis a. k. a defense, but it has never justified the person you have become, as a matter of fact,we dont really understand who you are anymore, and we're just holding on to our last threads of hope: the love we have for you (naks!), the blood that flows the same in us(uy!), the care we have for each other (by the way, you wanna join permanently?) Sometimes you go back to being you which is nice, but most of the time we're missing you and you just love being high.

teka may sasabihin pa pala ako:

More than ten years should qualify you to a certificate of recognition:

**** of the decade.

This is to certify that ______ has successfully consistently provided forced independence at unstable stages and most needing times to those who look up to her/him and implemented troubled stressful lifestyles by being a living example of how to be as confused as you already are and lost as you can possibly get. Dreams are for those who sleep and Getting high is for those who dont sleep. An official go-getter, lie to those who you know loves you and get from them what you need to, then make them feel guilty about it. Congratulations! You have definitely hurt them more than the expected number of times and chances.

~~~The last of the drama blogs part II~~~

CheLiTapTaP

at ang mga ilaw sa gabi.

Ako ba ay dating gamu-gamo sa past life ko? Or ako ba ay may lahing gamu-gamo? ;) Odd as it may seem to you, I think I am in love with city night lights. I like passing by streets, highways na puro ilaw. Babaw noh. For me, para silang artificial cinderella stars of the night. Where is that bridge again? Nagtahan bridge ba yun? Im not sure. But I like that bridge. I even have my favorite tree, along Roxas boulevard. They're adorned with colorful lights. But dont get smart on me, wag mo akong hiritan ng flashlights or fluorescent light at ipo-pokpok ko yan sa ulo mo. You know what im talking about, yung mga decor lights sa gabi, they really make the darkness of the night a little special. They cheer me up. It would be nice siguro to walk in a garden where all the trees are dramatically luminated and necklaced with colorful little lights. I'd just stand in the middle or fine kung pagod ako, I'll sit down or kung masakit naman ang likod ko, hihiga na lang ako sa white blanket na ilalatag ko sa grass and mag fee-feeling ako that they're all lighted up for me. My artificial cinderella stars. sigh. At the right distance, with the right weather, they are pretty. This is also the only reason why I was okay with Lito Atienza being the former Mayor of Manila always wearing that red hawaiian polo shirt, because he is addict sa ilaw. Lahat ng sulok gustong ilawan (although there is this possibility, these light projects could have been used for corruption purposes din...).

Pakiramdam ko citylights and stars are a beautiful blasphemy in the night, Pag nasa ground level ka and you gaze up, you'd see the stars in the sky and they're beautiful, and when you're on an airplane up high and you look down, you'd see the city/the world has just transformed into stars in the sky itself. Gets mo? para ka pa ring nakatingin sa langit. Parang puro sky lang ang meron sa earth. Mas marami pa ngang stars to see when you look down eh, artificial cinderella stars nga lang, They burn only when they are lighted up,and for a given period of time. At OO ubos na ang pera ng bayan sa kakabayad ng kuryente para sa mga ilaw sa gabing kalsada, na mas madalas hindi naman natin ina-appreciate mashado. These are one of my little fascinations. Fascinations that sometimes makes me question myself " Shit ako lang ba ang ganito?" "OMG Am I weird?" so minsan sumasagot yung split personality ko ng 'OO weird ka nga'. ;p But i would like to believe that I am just being appreciative and that there are details in this world that are beautiful pala. That it just so happens I may have noticed something you didn't. *conclusion: weird nga ;p haha*

Siguro kung hindi ako tao, I'd choose to be alitaptap or a firefly. Yuckers.. mangarap bang maging insekto? ;p hahaha anyways its better than gamu-gamo di ba?