The Perfect Bite

She was cleaning my teeth and I was feeling rather nervous so i bit as hard as I could.
I kept my eyes on the light above me and was just praying na sana hindi ako ma-hook ng doctor by accident.
After a while i dropped my eyes down and noticed i was biting on something i wasn't supposed to bite..
I was biting the dentist's thumb.
The whole time pala, todo ang kinakagat ko ay yung dentist ;p
I looked up at her and smiled.
"Ay doc...kinagat ba kita? ahehehe" awkwardly.
"oo" sabi naman niya.
"ay sorry...sorry talaga... now ko lang na realize kinagat pala kita. sorry hehehe" :)
In fairness, hindi naman siya mukhang galit...
hurt lang.. hurt. ;p

December 29, 2007.

Winner Takes All ;)

Some men say that tayong mga babae hindi tayo nagpapatalo. Ito kaya ay totoo sa akin?


Scenario: May nagbigay sa iyo ng hikaw na 24 Karatssss gold. Nag CR ka at toink! parang nahulog ata. The thing is hindi mo alam kung saan. Paano mo ito sasabihin sa nagbigay sa iyo?

Che: Ry....nahulog
Ry: Ang anu (mega PSP ng PSP)
Che: Yung hikaw (sweetly)
Ry: Saan
Che: Sa CR

Ryan went to the CR and from the outside,I could hear some undefined noises of things being moved. When he came out, he did not look too happy. I was anticipating him and as he said "Ay nako! Panu ka ba kasi maghilamos? (sabay re-enactment kung pano ako maghilamos, in-fairness ha kuhang kuha kung papano), nag flush ka ba ng CR?" note: when i wash my face kasi, todo bigay, pang commercial ng facial wash. splash everywhere. I use both my hands and then may follow through movement pa yan so once i've splashed the water from my hands to my face, yung motion ng hands ko umaabot sa ears. ;p

Che: OO Pagka flush ko, derecho naghilamos ako tapos narinig ko na lang nahulog hikaw ko! (with matching certainty in my eyes)
Ryan: Sus! kasi naman! (medyo inis na ata) sigurado ka ba dito mo nahulog sa CR??
Che: OO OO oo nga jan nga sa CR!

They say that when a person is acting angry, wag ka mag pauna especially if its your boyfriend kasi masasanay raw next time. So what i did was:

Che: Alis ka na jan! ako na ang titingin! (dabog dabog kunyari)
Ryan: (Walking away) Ang swerte mo na lang pag nakita mo yan jan, hinanap ko na mabuti jan.
Che: wag mo ko pakialaman.

I couldnt find it anywhere. Then He called me and said "Eh ano tong andito sa may cabinet sa pinto?!" looking really righteous. (kaasar) note: ang layo ay isang liko at mga around 5 yards.

I thought ' ngek! sa labas pala nahulog' but of course pinanindigan ko ang deadma effect and answered:

"Panu napunta yan jan! akin na nga!! " nakakunot pa face ko jan, sabay suot ng hikaw ko then turn to watch tv.

At ako pa galit eh noh. :)

music pasok: can you handle me the way i are?

Christmas is the Time

Christmas is the time...Christmas is the time...Christmas is the time.. para mandaya sa exchange gift. Madaya ka Macky, 89 pesos lang ang worth ng mugs mong buy 1 take 1. ;p Buti na lang hindi ako ang nakabunot sa yo. :)

Ako at Ang Aking Mga Ipin

Wish granted. Swollen pa rin ang aking gums from the extractions nung Saturday. yes. extractionssss. Kasi pinasabay ko na pabunot yung 2 sa upper molars ko. yehey ang saya. ;p Okay. That was a lousy bluff. I was just trying to comfort myself, kunyari na lang gusto ko talaga ganitong pain ;( Ang totoo,hindi masaya kasi ang sakit ang sakit sakit.) I was fine already nung Monday pero hindi ko natiis ang mag mega kain and then mega mumog with matching mega coke nung Noche Buena. It seems Im now experiencing Dry Socket crisis. :( wuhuhuhu. Dont make me explain hindi ako dentist.

Natatakot na tuloy ako. Next in line na ang aking Impacted left lower wisdom tooth. Where the hell is the tooth fairy? Just imagine hihiwain niya muna yung gums then who knows kung paano niya huhukayin palabas ang aking wisdom tooth. Can i take any more pain? ha? ha? ha? (we cannot escape our destiny, akala ko forever ko ng malulusutan ang pagbunot sa wisdom tooth ko pero hinde hinde hinde)

I was lying there and paulit ulit kong pinakikinggan ang "The Way I Are" on my Ipod while she struggled to pluck my tooth one at a time. At one point I wanted to scream "be over" and at another i wanted to say "gently please...take your time". Mixed Emotions. Feeling ko unti-unting lumuluwag ang tornilyo ng skull ko. I was staring up at her, watching tiny drops of sweat forming on her forehead, thinking "i hope huwag ako mapatakan ng pawis niya di ba?". Thankfully, Natapos rin. She showed me my teeth and I looked at them like it was nothing. Astiiig (artista ka cherryl. artista ka ;p) . She asked me to sit over at the waiting area for a few minutes, then after a while she gave me a box of cassava cake and sent one of her maids to walk me out and get a cab for me.I must admit that all the kindness scared me a little. I have never met such a nice dentist. An idea is, could she have done something wrong?. I am being skeptic for no reason, maybe because the past two dentist who handled me before, yung isa nung bubunutin na niya yung ipin ko and she was about to inject the anesthesia sa akin said "sige! maglikot ka! para mabali tong karayom sa bibig mo" Kahit pa nag iinarte ako, takutin ba ako.. (pero naging effective naman at talagang tanggal ang drama ko that time). Let's just say I haven't been lucky with dentists...until Now. But God deliver me from evil...sana naman maging smooth every visit. As the song tells it "Do it to me gently".

Love Me The Way I Are?

As much as i would like to claim that I am perfect. Im not. :) Im just me. My heart is complicated. I will never know where Ryan gets his patience from. Why everything I do is cute (kahit sa totoo lang, pwede na akong i-silya elektrika sa topak) Life is nuts and so am I. Yes, that was hard to admit hahaha (that im nuts :p), of course i want to be dubbed "the ideal girl of the century" but Im not. All i am is me.

I like to be pampered constantly. I'm spoiled and I can be bitchy. I lose my temper over something as stupid as freakin' nothing. My flaws are all laid out. Im your silly sweet dream girl and then the girlfriend from hell the next minute. Sometimes even I confuse myself. But where people judge me, Ryan understands. I wonder why even when i'm already dead angry/unreasonable and Im being the pain in the ass that i know i am, Ryan just laughs and looks at me like im a little fluffy bunny all cute and cuddly. I hate it. That I cannot see what he sees in me. I love him. because he loves me like i know he does, and im pretty sure no man in this life could probably love me the same way (endure me the same way ;p hahaha). I mean WARNING: OCASSIONALLY POSSESSED BY AN EVIL SPIRIT. who would love someone like that? I wish i could love him the way he loves me (except pagaka seloso). (ang haba ng hairrr :P) But again Im just me, I can only love you the way my heart can. Ill try to do better. In fairness naman,Im not the typical SOCO girlfriend who is always after checking up on his private stuffs. But point me at the right wrong directions and maybe i'll be tempted to peek in every now and then. ;p ahahaha.

The winner sa Dakilang Pag-Ibig of the Century Award ay si Ryan. Thanks. For being consistent despite my inconcistencies. You know ako, I like great love stories. I dream of being in one and hindi ko kaagad na realize that Im already in one.

~~One day at time.

Pasalamat si Santa, Imaginary Siya.

Happy Holidays!

Noong ako ay batang musmos pa at cute na cute. :p
Nagsasabit ako ng school socks ko sa Christmas tree (well bahala na si Santa di ba kung tingin niya luma na yung medyas ko at medyo kupas na) .
Sabi nila darating daw si Santa pag natutulog na kami.
Wala naman kaming chimney or fireplace na pwede niyang maging 'portal of entry' ;p so i imagined siguro si Santa may magic siya, he can appear and disappear as he please.
Come night, Hindi ko sinasara yung pinto ng Kwarto para masilip ko kung dumating siya. I will pretend to close my eyes and sleep so pag nakita niya, he'll appear, yun nga lang I always end up falling asleep for real.
Siguro naka more than one Christmas din yun. I wondered why hindi ko siya maabutan.

Until one morning when i found yung regalo raw ni Santa for me.
wow. Chocolates sa loob ng isang jar na hugis Christmas tree.
Kaso may napansin ako.
Kung bigay ito ni Santa sa akin, at galing ito sa kanyang Toy Factory sa Northpole..
Bakit...Bakit...bakit may tag price sticker ng "Shopper's Mart" at peso price na nakadikit sa ilalim ng jar?
And then everyone laughed guilty.
So dun ko na realize na wala palang Santa Claus.
Syet nauto ako. :) Pakabait bait pa ako. :p

Pero you know what, If Santa was true and talagang pwedeng mag wish ng regalo:
Here's what i want for myself this Christmas:
- A Car. (the works..ipa pimp my ride mo na rin ;p)
- New lenses for my camera (yung mala inter-planetary sa layo.. kaya pa rin i-zoom)
- Tripod (na naglalakad ha para di ko kailangan bitbitin at ilipat lipat, pwede rin yung may kamay para siya magbitbit sa akin)
- A new professional digital camera set in pink na may embossed initials ko in real gold, pwede yung strap studded ( so kailangan customized)
- A star cruise ticket for 4 complete with daily allowance of 500 dollars.
- 100 million dollars ( hahaha at least hindi billions or gazillions, may awa pa ako)


Helllllooooow Si Santa siya so dapat itodo na di ba? Ipagawan niya ng paraan sa kanyang helper elves. Kung pwede pa nga patrabahuhin na rin nya reindeers niya. Actually pigil pa yan ha ;P hekhekhek pagbigyan niyo na ako. Kunyari lang naman noh!;p ( so kunyari rin hindi lang siya sa mga babies and mga bata nag reregalo, pati na rin sa mga baby face at batang isip ganun) Im so mean to Santa, he definitely wont come for me. ;p

dont damn me yet if i sound worldly.
So why not good health and peace and love and all those things money cant buy? eh kasi po even if Santa was true, hindi pa rin siya si GOD. This we pray to God. As for good will and generosity and good hearts, even if siya si Santa and we can pray this to God as well, this can only come from us. Naks!

Old Friends (part I)

"huy may copy ka pa ba nung mga pics natin nung retreat nung high school pa tau?"
"nwla eh"
"nwla?"
"tinapon ni M__. (his wife) hahaha"
"hahaha"

Naka chat ko si E. V. kanina, nakakatawang maisip what memories we choose to remember nung high school pa tayo. haha He's actually one of Czesca's ninongs. Pero as according to him, siya raw ay 'secret ninong' kasi hindi alam sa kanila. I think the wife is a jealous gal, but in fairness she's pretty naman, love lang niya siguro si E to the max.

Earlier naman naka chat ko si Pork ng Pork N Beans. :P di niyo talaga ma ge gets, Because its like an inside joke. :) Mga ka kulitan ko sa class nung 4th year, Im 'N' sa Pork N Beans. Kahapon lang Nakasalubong ko Si Beans sa SM San Lazaro, haha at talaga namang i still call Him "Beans!!".

Noong high school, Im the student na katabi ko lang yung school but im always super late, so i was a regular guest sa guidance office. To help me out, si Pork ginigising niya ako, miss-call forever sa cel hanggang i-reject ko to know na im up already. And if Im still late, tinutulungan nila akong magsulat ng 1000x na "I will never be late again" or kung anu mang bible verse for the day ang iparusa sa akin. :) Si Beans naman sobra bait lang talaga, Inaaway din nila ko minsan pero pag pikon na ako, sinusuhulan nila ako ng mini-keyk bilang peace-offering. Syet...:p mini-keyk...ang babaw ko hahaha, dapat pala nag demand ako ng mas mahal, 20 pesos lang isang pack ng mini-keyk noon. Favorite ko kasi yun dati. haha. Meron pa si Knowledge ( marami siyang knowledge power..;p hahaha example elephant pag tinupi nagiging Et-ts. Sofa pag tinupi nagiging Et-ts. The nick just sort of got stuck hanggang nung 4th year kami.)At first,hindi ko naapreciate maging classmate ko siya, i dread the thought of having him for a classmate. I literally prayed na sana hindi ko siya classmate nung 4th year, but destiny is inevitable, ayun classmates kami. Everyday nag aasaran kami heartlessly, Everyday we made each other laugh, eventually we realized we were very good friends who make each other smile. Na appreciate ko yun. Actually I miss them. The Laughs. The silly jokes. The Pikunan. The Crush ng Bayan Survey. The leakage. The group study kunyari. Without these guys, High school wont be the same and it would have been dull. Sana may Reunion noh.

Si Harvs, musrhoom naman yun eh, bigla biglang sumusulpot. :P Comaniac. :) and we still see each other. He's probably the only guy friend i actually still see a lot. As for the girls, well we have Elouise, the original Validosa or Vanidosa?, who taught me how to dye my hair, do my nails and yes we did use my dentist money to get our hair done. Mary, who when her mother found out na she skipped school she cried she was kidnapped nung nag cut class kami to go to Enchanted ;p. Hazel, who we literally crawled with just to escape from their house at night. Kareen, who is my flip 1. Michelle, my howe howe kuno. The whole Volleyball team. I love love you guys. Everyone else na hindi ko na mention, rest assured you're all in my heart. hellow i demand ba na iblog ko kayo lahat kelan pa ko matatapos. ;p

Hay Nag senti lang ako bigla, si E. kasi ang daming pinaalala kanina.

Beer anung beer?

This morning before i left,
"beer" "beer" sabi ni Czesca.
She handed me her little bear.
"bear! not beer!" I said.
Siguro ganyan talaga pag mas madalas kasama si Yaya kaysa sa amin, namamali na yung mga pronounciation ni Czesca.

In Need of a Good Sleep

Oh..its not such a good day today. Im feeling very sleepy and i still have pictures of Baron pretending to be drunk but actually just being a real asshole in my mind. And I feel bad for being impatient last night when Czesca woke up around 2 am last night and suddenly just started crying and crying. We all want to be good mommies. But we're also just human, we falter every now and then. Easier said than done as they say. Before I left home this morning I gave her three kisses on the side of her lips. Maybe i was hoping she'd wake up and she'd see me. See that Im not angry anymore and that Im sorry.

Graduation

College. kelan ba ako gra graduate...finally? - Cherryl

Sabi ni Poli, lipat daw kami. Poli..transferring is not for me anymore. Kukuha ako ng imaginary Epoxy at sasabuyan ko pa ng Mighty Bond at Rugby, im sticking myself, glueing myself para hindi na ako muling lumipat. When I first transferred from Uste to Benilde, sabi nila sa bahay, its not good to transfer kasi if i do, then i'll never stop transferring. I was young. I made harsh decisions too fast. I was aways too quick to jump into an invitation. I also thought being closer to the then-boyfriend was a good idea. People were right. We dont always know for sure even when we already said a million times that we are. I was doing fine in UST, My grades were good and my friends are completely crazy :). I wanted more. And I ended up having none at all. Dont get me wrong, Benilde was fine. The people were fine, the friends were just as crazy too. I just got caught in very bad situations. Things dont always go they way you planned them to. Family problems started to overflow,my dear sister died, the then-boyfriend and I was falling apart and somehow i just felt like the world was closing in on me. I lost control of myself . Before.. I thought.. always being ready to take the plunge and risk the past for something new, or to venture into something new was a brave act in my part. Now i realize it was actually always easy for me. In making my life's decisions, It was easy. It did not matter if it was as small as something like going for a really unusual haircut or moving to a new city and taking on a new job. The hard thing to do was staying put. I look at school as a path to my life's career and everytime an intersection comes along, i tend to say to myself, hey maybe i'll try this way but then half-way i'd say no this is not the way so im going to take another one. Until you realize, you're not going anywhere and time is passing you by.

I am still young now but Im not getting any younger. Im staying put this time. One day at a time. I havent graduated college, but i think i graduated already in making the wrong decisions in college. At least i can start at that.

HCHS Volleyball- ang muling pagkukulitan

Pag ako nagka kotse. (if and if)...shit ang una kong pupuntahan Antipolo, not Tagaytay, not bagiou, etc etc. Antipolo. Hindi naman sa yun ang favorite place ko, im just laging nabibitin pag papuntang Antipolo. Laging di natutuloy. Yan tuloy sounds like my favorite place na tuloy. I would really really love to just sit back and enjoy the view from the top. Pag dating ko dun, oorder ako ng sisig, at kakain ako ng crunch bite size and magpapaka senti ako. Ma tao kasi sa Tagaytay, tendency to see someone you know (not that im up to doing something bad, siguro minsan a pseudo escape from everyday stress is simply needed. Antipolo's a good second option noh?. (now turned first). I just remembered kasi hindi nanaman natuloy nung Saturday. Sila Michelle kasi decided we should just go to Eastwood. Maybe Im supposed to go there someday at the right time and for a very special reason. Hahaha kinilig kilig naman ako. wehehehe. Gabi na, The wind is chilling ,the stars are all lit up, my hair is sobrang soft (sinama ko pa talaga ang hair ko ;p) Everything is perfect, except i bet malamok di ba? and ma-insect.

Beer. I dont think I can drink. At least not anymore and not at some place public. Im a real tomato. Kalahati pa lang, sobrang red na. Kareen on the other hand is our toma queen. Binigay ko na lang sa kanya yung kalahati, helloow ang pangit ko na. I can bear 'drunk', but i cant bear looking like a drunkard wearing a tomato head and knowing im not even drunk. And personally, drinking doesnt do me much good. I have my friends to thank for watching over me, during those yester-times when we would spend the night away gathering and drinking whatever. Kareen- the toma queen is also former Inuman-dean, siya nagbabantay sa akin (or so she confirmed) Elouise I swear to God i remember falling everywhere,etc etc, but i swear i do not remember taking a shower with all my clothes on, ano ko nang aakit? but i did notice wearing a different shirt the next day when i woke up (courtesy of my wardrobe changers Elouise and Jocelyn).. as for what happened to my shirt. Yung classic white Benetton Tee ko ay ginamit at inangkin na ni C. Quieng (he's a good guy so i think ok lang sayong sayo na yan! :) ) Pero sabi nga nila, pag may good mayroon ding bad. Who do bad things. Im not going to elaborate. (but please dont run your imaginations) Young people should just be really sure they know everyone well enough to trust them and girls always looking out for each other is very very very important. After that inuman session, I did not allow myself to go anywhere near that kind of situation again.,especially when there are uninvited vultures around.

HCHS earlier:
The picture taking was brief. It didnt take long. I looked cheeky in all of it. (what's new?) Its been so long since i stepped inside the gym. A lot has changed, but the feeling is still the same, somewhere inside you, you want to run, you want to jump, you want to play, but then you realize it's really not the same so why not just take a seat and chat. :) My former-love of 4 years was there.He smiled, and waved hi. His current girlfriend was also there, who organized this little reunion. His First-ex was also there, now turned Czesca's ninang. Oh my. Para pala kaming One Tree Hill. To think sumasakit ang ulo ko sa One Tree Hill and i said i'd never fall for Lucas. Only this guy is Lucos. Luco-lucos. ;p hehe joke lang po. Seriously joke joke joke lang. It feels good to know na we can now be at one same place comfortably na wala ng tension. Natuwa din ako makita sila, above it all, nagingibabaw ang pinagsamahan. For those idiots who dont know. I used to share the same court with these people, we used to be friends... good friends and we'll always be friends.

Joanna, a.k.a Dots. was there, Ha. Parang kelan lang, kaming tatlo ni Gelynne, we sang and danced to the tune of 'She bangs, She bangs' during one alumni christmas party dati. Nauna kami kay William Hung ha. hehehe. Nag overnight pa kami sa bahay to rehearse and memorize the lyrics and the dance, then the following day rehearse uli, we even bought our minus one tape. Todo effort talaga. Joanna's around 5'8 and Gelynne is around 5'10 , ako lang ang maliit. :P All to win 500 pesoses hahaha na pinaghatian pa namin hahaha. LUGEEEE! ;p and lastly, guess who's the choreographer?...............Meeee. And i cant even touch my toes without bending my knees. It was hilarious.

And now we're back.

Where am I?

"Columbia!!!!!!!!" The voice woke me up. Oh my gulay nasa La Salle Greenhills na ako banda. I unplugged the earphones and walked like a lost confused zombie towards the door. I pulled my cel out and called the office. Im late. again. I just felt so tired I completely dozed off. I took a fast jeepney ride back to Caltex. Ah Interesting morning. Pero look at the bright side at least hindi ako umabot sa Taytay, Rizal right? ;p

Abscence makes the heart grow fonder.

So True.

From Blues to Burps

Late late dinner at Mc Gerry's last night. The food was great. The ambiance,'is' very chinatown so warning lang... if you are not used to people seemingly screaming all at the same time as if ready to kill each other but really just talking and you're strictly pang fine-dining,then you should just eat your dinner at home. :) But if it doesnt bother you,go because the food is great. (I said it twice to put emphasis ;p) I missed Sibut. It reminds me of Amah. She cooks mean sibut. :). And as usual hindi mawawala ang sweet n sour pork. love love love it. :P

Anyway while there, I talked to Ryan about what was bothering me about our situation right now and we have agreed that hindi na siya mag 'bibiro' ng mga ganun (example : may lalaki ka noh?) Sabi niya joking joking lang daw lahat yun eh. whooooohhhhhhh! Men.., Lulusot hangga't may lusot :) but its okay as long as he'll do as he said di ba? Thank you labylab (now that the collar's loosened up, magwawala na ako :p muwahahaa...deh joke ;) hehe ). See how fast my mood changes, cheery cherry na naman ako, hmm...must be the food.. We know there's a saying that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" ako ganun din siguro hahaha "the way to my heart is through my stomach" but if im not a man and this doesnt apply to women...im a..bulate? ;p. Hay...so i have 'the way to get to my heart' 'the way to keep me' etc etc, Cherryl either ang demanding mo or i just really like to use the starting phrase "the way to....." ;p whatchathink? ;phehe, Sabi nga ni King Leonidas sa movie 300 "immortals..we'll put them to the test" ( wala.. malayo ba? walang koneksyon? hehe sorry pampagulo lang ;p). Sometimes i wonder if i have gained myself my very own psycho killer, tipong gusto na akong abangan and then kill me para hindi na ako makapag blog ng mga ikakasira ng inyong sanity. Ovvverrrrr. :p

Also i think i bumped into an old friend while we were there. Okay not 'i think' because actually i did. :) Although I dont think we were friends.. 'friends', we were more like a little of the opposite nung high school,pero siguro counted na rin as friends ;p ka-friendster eh. We really didnt say much to each other, other than hi hello how are you. Im not even sure if we meant it or if we really cared. Its not being plastic,It was just a good spur of the moment friendliness. :) buuuurrrrrp.

From Blah to Blues.

why do i subject myself to known and unknown judgements?
I dont always know the right words to use, when people ask me questions that are supposed to define who i am and how i am. I wish i could be more careful in choosing the words but like i said earlier i dont always have the right words. And it is so me. Im inevitably a jinx to myself sometimes. Story of my life. And i wish people could just simply not ask questions. Story of their life.

Enough. I've wasted too much blog space for that unidentifiable emotion above.
Change topic. I hate it that im sick. My voice is coarse, I sound like a guy and my back is aching so bad i could almost pin where my lungs are. *I could imagine them maroon red and swelling. *

Ryan is out to play basketball and he wont be back till 9. I wish I could play basketball. I missed shooting free throws. In fact I miss it to the extent, im willing to settle for Timezone. heyheyhey. Dont under estimate arcade basketball. ;p nakakapawis din yun ha. Buti pa ang mga guys. They can just find a court,gather a few friends or even strangers, chipped in and voila, basketball. Me I cant even think of 3 girls who likes to play basketball. Sabi ni Ryan "sama ka tapos shooting shooting ka lang dun" kaso naman if i do, mukha lang akong pa cutie pie. so never mind na lang.

Volleyball. Its not like i can go wear my rubber shoes, pack my bag and re-appear as an alumni and say hi can i join? I've taken the exit. Somewhere along there, I must have made it impossible for me to go back even if just for fun.
************
What i need now that i wish i can have:
I need my magic carpet. I know i dont even have one. Id like to be at the beach now please. Id really like that. Id really like not to have Ryan accuse me of checking out guys. stop. stop. stop.Im not. if...and if i am, i'll tell him naman so there is no need to accuse. Id like to be allowed to relax and not be accused of crushing on other guys. Id like to loosen the collar a little bit please. I dont even party and i usually dont go anywhere without you except for work and school.

Im not looking forward to partying like an animal, Ive never even smoked anythng other than pollution and I already learned my lesson a long long time ago that too much drinking can make you stupid. I just want to laugh a little without having to worry if its okay. I would like not to have my daily celphone check-up. No one in this entire universe texts me except my old friends / relatives and they're usually just quotes for the day, there is nothing to check. Im 24. Im not asking to be single. Im not asking for freedom. I just want to breathe a little. If im staying forever..at least let me breathe. That's why forever scares me, now i said it right. And one last thing, if you get to read this, I'd like you to take this very seriously. Ive been as good as i can get, honest as i can get,ive stuck through worst times and good times, give me what i earned. a little room for air. you know i love you. im crazy in a lot of ways but we both know that's crazy you can love. so dont go crazy on me anymore.

Dont scare me.