;c neyo im so sick.

hay... blog title pa lang corny na.

Im feeling sick. actually kagabi pa ako sick. My head aches and my nose is stuffed. Hirap me makahinga, i feel like para akong hinihingal na aso, since i have to breathe through my mouth. Add pa natin ang sore throat. Kanina pa ako nag wa water-therapy, super dami ko nainom (exagggggg) feeling ko nga pag nilunok ko si nemo hindi siya mamamatay, yung nga lang hindi na siya mahahanap ng daddy niya. (muwahhahaha) hay nako nababaliw na ako. I took one sinutab, one decolgen and one bio flu. And now binigyan pa ako ni Mhaan ng neozep. Hindi ko naman minamadali ang aking pag galing noh? oh well you got me..addict siguro ako sa mga decongestant at paracetamol ;p.

I was supposed to drop by a friend's house last night to give a post birthday gift to my inaanak but i was feeling so bad that i went straight home. After dinner, I went to sleep na kaagad. I only woke up around 10:30 pm to eat grilled chicken which Ryan brought home but then I went back to sleep as in upo-kain-higa. (oink) Sue me I was too sleepy too sick to get up and brush my teeth. *turn-off. ;p* When I woke up, my sore throat got worse, but in fairness naman i brushed my teeth (finally) kaagad and gargled listerine. I deperately need to get well today. or else paano ko haharapin ang bukas? (ok its certified.. im sick and its getting to my head)

On the bus ride to work, nahihilo hilo pa ako. I dont know if it's because i woke up too early...5:30 am or talagang masama pakiramdam ko ( i think both ). So I plugged the earphones to my ears and slept on the way. Wa-poise na kung wa-poise. I need all the rest i can get. Badtrip lang the sun was up too high today and nabubulag talaga ako sa reflection ng window. I closed my eyes pero napapakunot pa rin ako so what i did was sinabog ko yung hair ko sa mukha ko ala' kurtina. Finally some shade.

I need more vitamins. I need more stress tabs. I need some more tender loving care. naks!

Before i went inside the office building, bumili muna ako ng hotdog bun sa mini stop (pepperoni as always).I thought food might help. Ahh.. I dont feel so good. Gusto ko lang mag curl up sa kama and mag mukhang haggard without a care in the world parang ganon. Friday na please.

The Little Talent Show

cute cute cute. That's our little princess. She was crying so bad inside the ultrasound room that we had to hold her down, and try to calm her . I tried distracting her by telling her we were going home already and all she had to do was say goodbye to the doctors. In the middle of her screams and wails, she let out a cute sob.. "buh-bye". --The 'bye' melts m&m's in their brown and yellow packages.-- That's how cute. For the next few minutes i kept her busy by asking her to do her bibo baby tricks. All in all... I asked her to show the doctors how to do "twinkle-twinkle" "close-open" "i have two hands" and yes i think even "beautiful eyes" pa pala and she did them,........... all while she was still wailing.
As they say, the show must go on. :)

Another fact is , It wasnt easy to hold Czesca down while she was crying her heart out. There was a sting in my heart and shake in my voice. But we needed to go through it. After the procedure, I just had to hug her really tight and say sorry to her (literally), for being scared and held down, for not knowing what is happening and for not being able to make any physical pain (if any) my own. she is our little princess.

My Happiness

One minute life was savvy and then the next minute its adversity.

We can never really predict where the wind blows next. Saturday was the day. It was also the day for my turn on sore eyes. Please see below photo of my swelling peepers:

No - I was not in Pinoy Mano Mano. These are compliments of my mom. virus ka...;p

I hid them in disguise via my 50php tiangge-bought old red shades, which i had to fish out with an umbrella from the back of the shoe cabinet amongst the dust and spider cobwebs. I used it for the first time ever. My eyes were practically morning glory factory and very much swelling. If it looked good on me (the shades), it was the least of my priorities, but i must admit, I thought of it.

Life has an odd way of piling up misfortune on your head sometimes. And my state of conjunctivitis was just a small dot to what we were given next:

"My Happiness is when I know they are safe" Does anybody ever take my friendster profile seriously, or is it just another poetic introduction?. Im serious. Saturday night- I was reminded, that my happiness is when i know they are safe. There is a lump on Czesca's left breast. This life is twisted. Oh my goodness. I was just praying to God, to let the results be okay, atleast give us hope or give us something to look forward to. She is God's grace and I refuse to believe she is anything other than that. I remembered myself when my sister got sick and I put my hand on rain's head, out of desperation, i just prayed for her to be healed ( ala' faith-healer stance.yes). I sort of just said then"Lord I know im not the right person to do this, im not even worthy, Im not a prophet and Im not even a good christian but give us a miracle, heal her. dont take her away". Lets have a recap. A few days after, my sister was dead. God doesnt always answer our prayers they way we want Him to. It was traumatic. After a situation like that, it tend to make you paranoid. So involuntarily, memories of my sister flashed back in my mind and I really dont want history to repeat itself, especially on Czesca. I was just praying so hard, I said It didnt work before,but it has to now. Im not asking for a miracle now. Im asking for mercy. (we were really scared. ) Im not asking for strength. Im asking for faith.

Monday came and the results were out: There is nothing we can do about the lump at the moment. There is no medicine, we just have to monitor closely every month and do a sonomammogram test (if i said that right). In every result, hope to find consistently no cyst or any sort of transformation of the lump. Im feeling better, there is no way that i will look at this again with pessimism in my heart, I did my prayer and nowI'll do my faith. Czesca is okay, she is still her playful beautiful self. The doctor said the good news is there is chance that it could go away by itself. We are willing to wait. And I am really looking forward to that day.. I know God has given us hope and its a good sign. (and I will keep my promise and I know She is still God's grace.) Thank you Lord for the good times and the adversities. May you always find your way in us when we tend to fall short most of the time. Keep them safe Lord. Keep them safe.