For A Change

Oo I know late na para mag post pa ako ng New Year's Resolution ko. But who cares. Atleast meron,so lets see:

1. I will not forget to put the alcohol cap back on it after using it.
So far yan na lang muna, wala na akong ibang maisip eh hahahaha ;p

The truth is I like being me. (Or do I?;p). I dont eat vegetables. I dont drink milk and I dont like cheese on my spaghetti and I like my M&M's with nuts. (wheee I'm very healthy) I believe that the Martilyo Gang exist or existed (they are people who will kill you to death using hammers by tricking you into picking up coins which are actually glued randomly on sidewalks and basta sa sahig ng public places, do you never wonder why may mga barya sa kung saan saan. Dont mind it , its a trap ;p hahaha) ;p. I memorize at least one line in a really good movie. (I can't help it, good dialogues blow me away and Im a sucker for good flicks.) ;p. I am mabait but i also have my temper- so do not piss me off on a level we both wont like especially if we're not really that close. ;) hahaha

New Year's Resolution are list of things that are supposed to make us better people, suppose to change us for the better. So would I be so wrong to say that for a change, I dont want to change. Maybe I even want to go back to how I used to be. Lately, I realized I overdose myself on thoughts not healthy for me, I think too much of things and compound them into something deeper. I am confusing myself. As a result, I've forgotten to appreciate the people around me. Including Ryan. I'm sorry. Im going to try to retrace my steps and pick up my small smiles and my silly hugs along the way so next time, I'll have them in hand for you. I'll pick myself up where i lost myself. One day at a time (Geez i like saying that: One day at a time...I'm starting to really annoy myself ;p).

As for one of my silly ideas in the bucket list for the year. Im really looking forward to learning how to swim. (and wearing my two piece hahaha :P kapal), whenever that would be, its going to be this year (but just in case it doesn't happen, i hope i still have next year..Lord let me live long enough for my bikini hahaha ;p, let me grace the beach with my annoying shining presence ;p).

I am full of silly things. I wonder if twenty years later, will my blogs still be online? Will Czesca be able to read it and blackmail me with things i write so she could flee off to the beach wearing whatever? ;p haha. I just hope she carries it with grace and smarts, and hindi siya lumaking baduy then ;)

Graduation

College. kelan ba ako gra graduate...finally? - Cherryl

Sabi ni Poli, lipat daw kami. Poli..transferring is not for me anymore. Kukuha ako ng imaginary Epoxy at sasabuyan ko pa ng Mighty Bond at Rugby, im sticking myself, glueing myself para hindi na ako muling lumipat. When I first transferred from Uste to Benilde, sabi nila sa bahay, its not good to transfer kasi if i do, then i'll never stop transferring. I was young. I made harsh decisions too fast. I was aways too quick to jump into an invitation. I also thought being closer to the then-boyfriend was a good idea. People were right. We dont always know for sure even when we already said a million times that we are. I was doing fine in UST, My grades were good and my friends are completely crazy :). I wanted more. And I ended up having none at all. Dont get me wrong, Benilde was fine. The people were fine, the friends were just as crazy too. I just got caught in very bad situations. Things dont always go they way you planned them to. Family problems started to overflow,my dear sister died, the then-boyfriend and I was falling apart and somehow i just felt like the world was closing in on me. I lost control of myself . Before.. I thought.. always being ready to take the plunge and risk the past for something new, or to venture into something new was a brave act in my part. Now i realize it was actually always easy for me. In making my life's decisions, It was easy. It did not matter if it was as small as something like going for a really unusual haircut or moving to a new city and taking on a new job. The hard thing to do was staying put. I look at school as a path to my life's career and everytime an intersection comes along, i tend to say to myself, hey maybe i'll try this way but then half-way i'd say no this is not the way so im going to take another one. Until you realize, you're not going anywhere and time is passing you by.

I am still young now but Im not getting any younger. Im staying put this time. One day at a time. I havent graduated college, but i think i graduated already in making the wrong decisions in college. At least i can start at that.

Where am I?

"Columbia!!!!!!!!" The voice woke me up. Oh my gulay nasa La Salle Greenhills na ako banda. I unplugged the earphones and walked like a lost confused zombie towards the door. I pulled my cel out and called the office. Im late. again. I just felt so tired I completely dozed off. I took a fast jeepney ride back to Caltex. Ah Interesting morning. Pero look at the bright side at least hindi ako umabot sa Taytay, Rizal right? ;p

---what to do---

I once said that i always know what i want, well what do you know right?,at the moment, I actually dont. I know i want to do a certain thing but i also know i do not want to compromise anything. It is giving me a really bad headache. I feel like all the fingers of my hands have strings controlling each angle in my life that i am forever trying to balance. It has always been easier to cut one of the strings. or two of the strings. or three. or four and so forth. But I cannot do it and will not do it. These are not just angles , these are angles of my life with direct effect to people i care for. If i sway wrong, If i sway it selfishly, I just might end up tangling up the strings.

what to do. what to do.