a portion of my brain for hannibal.
one beat less for this heart
each passing day i spent away.
away from the poems i used to silly write,
away from the colors that used to give me life.
The tick of the clock haunts me
and the tock of the clock taunts me
Dummified.
ay nako. wala toh. nag chichikahan kasi kami ni mhaan nung lunch break about things we want to do, long term career paths we want to take, and im sort of off the road. :)
inner struggling.
why. kasi im talking positive, thinking positive, feeling negative. hahaha :) or the other way around. bast hindi tally. ;)
Im just traumatized by how unpredictable my life's swings has been. Who would have thought Id find myself in the office doing paperworks, monitoring shipments,calculating forecasts,emails, involving myself with terms, Proforma Invoice,FA, Ex-works, ROHS, Accounting Terms, Raw Materials, NG defects - burr/short shot/ sink mark/ etc,Sales out of Never-existed in my life part numbers of the most oblivious items , industrial / mechanical / assembly companies shop for, etc.etc..
I never thought Id be in this chair. so business-ly. ( :P I re-invented this term for this one time use only,dont worry.) Eventhough the new job allows me to be the more artsy me, It hasnt been finalized.The scope, the offer, the training in Vietnam. Its still all a question to me... Everything is a 'will wait and see' status. Sure i know the training will be good for me if it pursues,Im taking it... but can i just say im somewhat scared and nervous also, imagine... facing long time big time professionals.. age ranging from 35-45 yrs old or older, all looking really really dead serious and I remember myself. Im in my early 20's, who is more used to wearing jeans and flats, clamps her hair whatever way, under-experienced, shit they'll know Im a rookie. I am a rookie. --ill do my best, compensate?--Im like alin alin alin ang naiba, piliin kung alin ang naiba - Batibot ;) (warning: typical inferiority complex attack :P) of course when the time comes they wont see me like that, but deep inside..chaos. hahaha ;) But until then, the unknown will seem alien and scary to me. Inevitably when you are already there, it seems all you can do is just do it or dont do it and lose your job and be stupid. :) I know its normal for everyone to feel this way sometimes, even the New boss will feel butterflies in his/her stomach during first brainstorming activity right? or not hahaha :)
inner struggling number 2.
I really want to go back to school.
I plan to do both, work and study, both full time.
conflicting schedules will be hard, what if have to go somewhere and i really cant miss a class?
see. see. see. priorities are all mixed up.
finish what i started which is okay or take a new course (AGAIN)this time take something i want.
what do i want, a lot of things parents tell you are stupid courses. hahaha :)a choice of Fine Arts. or something leaning towards it. Lifestyle. Humanitarian. Why the hell did i leave Sociology if ill end up looking for it someday. who knew? my bad.
Computer programming is not exactly my beloved choice. But only 2 years more and Im finally done.
And stock knowledge i have from it has done me good in my job right now. (considering its mere basics only)
Another sentence: Im the C.A student who joins a fine arts contest? wins it. do you think im lost or can i make this work for me? who sits infront of my computer to make the buttons work, a little later comes up with a song, am i lost?
I'd like to try making C.A work for me. There has to be some way. hahaha Im really mixed up.
The only thing not confusing in my life right now is ryan, me and czesca. that is one solid angle im looking at :P
Until then. Blog ends here. :)
Just Do It. - Nike
Impossible is Nothing.- Adidas
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