I Am Not Eskandalosa

Episodes of psychotic convulsions and seemingly demonic exorcisms, these are the other spices of our lives. Minsan gusto ko ng basagin ang ulo ni Ryan, and siguro gusto na niya akong bali-balian ng buto at patunugin na parang chicharon. And in the heat of any dense argument and in the verge of our stubbornness, the unexpected (turned knowingly-expected due to frequency of its occasion now) will happen. We will burst out laughing. I don’t know what’s so hilarious, because it’s not funny at all, pero yun tawa naman kami ng tawa. I knew it. Praning. And the peak of our rage will not just mellow down, it will simply disappear like it was never there. I believe we will never fully understand the transition.

Love na naman. I’m a one-girl-boy-band. (gulo noh…girl na nga one pa,,,boy band pa?)

Inatake ako ng hormones last Saturday:
“Im not eskandalosa” I thought. I could walk out calmly and may etiquette ako.
I took a fast gulp from the bottle of mineral water on my right hand as if it was beer.
I was on the escalator going down and he was up by the floor where I walked out on him, looking down on me by the railings, wooing me to calm my senses and go back up.
He was wooing me with his clueless-of-what-he-did-wrong-face... after he got me so mad, after he was mad. Abnoy from the planet of the apes! I swear sinadya niya munang pikunin ako. I threatened to throw at him the almost empty plastic bottle of water on my hand, to which he dared to laugh. AHHH. I snapped. I stopped thinking and just threw the bottle of water in the air, while I was still on the escalator. When it left my grasp however, I realized what I did (uh-oh), and when it did not go in the direction where I targeted it to go (Ryan’s laughing face), regret sunk in when I remembered ‘what goes up, will go down’.
I covered my head with my hands and just prayed it won’t land on someone else’s head and get my ass sued.(Nasa greenbelt ako hellow. Pag nasa Divisoria naman malamang nasaksak na ako.) It plummeted like a wild cranking solid piece of plastic, bouncing off the escalator handrail, ahead of me down to the floor I was descending to. I saw the guards rushed to it, but I picked it up before them.

Guard 1: Ma’am binato niyo?

CHE: “No hindeh, bakit ko naman ibabato?”

Guard 1: (with apologetic smile) ah sorry po. ang lakas lang po kasi ng bagsak hehe

Che: (smile din ako) ah ok lang, nabitawan ko kasi e hehe.

Kapal muks kong tiningnan ang mga reaksyon ng tao behind me during the escalator ride. Thank God walang tinamaan. I took the escalator up and Ryan was still laughing. AAAHHHH!Badong ka talaga Labylab” Ayoko man aminin, oo na Kainis. “oo na. Natawa na rin ako. I am nuts. Mixed-nuts. We had a big dinner and bought some stuffs at landmark then umuwi na..tawa tawa lang. mga baliw!

This is why they say Patience is a virtue.
And I am done with Lesson One.
I am not Eskandalosa.

love me the way i are Part III

Mahihibang Ka Rin

...Kapag tumibok ang puso

Early January, I placed a bet of 300 pesos that my friend and her ex-boyfriend would get back together again. To my dismay, ex-boyfriend is officially an X. He’s moved on with his new girlfriend. Obviously I did not see that coming and he was not aware of the 3-months-rule. (Sabagay, even I didn’t know anything about this rule until John Lloyd said there was such a thing. ;p) but by the way…, I don’t intend to pay! : P bwahahaha, the bet was supposed to be metaphorical anyway; the only expected facts were the getting-back-together-again-part, which unfortunately-for-my-fortune, did not happen. Pero have we not learned anything from our lives yet? “pustahan tayo keso ganito ganoon…ganyan..” Did we ever actually pay our little bets :P hehehe

In consolation to my con words, I’ve been a good friend, nagmala-chimay akong naglinis ng iyong silid, hindi ba? (but take note…take big note…nagmala-chimay lang,never mukhang chimay. ;p hahaha at talagang kailangan feelingera pa rin noh? Joke. ) While I listened to you asked the wrong questions but ironically derived the right answers?

Example:

Your question : mas mabuti naman akong tao kaysa sa iyo? Bakit nangyayari toh sa akin? (Ito ay isang example ng isang nonsense na katanungan – di ba? di ba?)

But it’s remarkable how she ends up with very important relevant answers:

Your own Answer: Ang pogi kasi niya. Ang pogi pogi niya. Grabeh ang Pogi niya.

Sarcasm.
Sweet as it is.

Love. Love. Love na naman. I almost blog the way common boy bands go on composing songs. Puro Love songs.

(This next line is for Elouise…. ;p) Child of the Smoked Fish! (And that’ll be the last of that word in my world of blogs. ;p)

But isn’t it true, that in all aspects of life, love is to be found, regardless kung happy or not. Love is somewhere behind every story (self, family, friendship, relationships, intimacy, lifestyle, career and finally life itself). The word starts off silly and it is often clichéd. But it is something people…which even in their exhaustion, never gets tired of. Parang hindi ka madala-dala. It is always interesting, it is always related, even when you are sick of it already. It is the sweetest and most painful irony this world has to offer. Minsan gusto mo magpasalamat sa Kupido, minsan gusto mo siyang sipain sa mukha.

But while it is all that, I still stand by what I believe in, that love is not complicated, we are. (haha…as if naman may kumontra eh no…pa stand by stand by pa ako :P)

Happy Frenzy Loving
Tribute to the last day of the love month.

BAdong at Timong

....ang pag ibig ay para sa mga baliw.

My life is sporadic, it seems only I am consistent. Why do i consistently jinx myself to doing the wrong things and saying the wrong things at the right moments. Walang katapusan ba ang pagiging badong? Ito ba ay isang sumpa? I bring the infinite unbelievable bloopers into my life. I am the one to blame...or God (you're the boss) or Karma,who knows. Honestly I'm not too sure if I'm fine with it because I'm used to it or if i really am fine with it. But I can not believe what happened to me last night. It is truly(so far) the craziest most mortifying thing I have ever done in my life. And although I admit that I can be very garrulous. My lips are sealed forever. Even I freaked myself out. If it was funny or if it wasnt, that is least of my concerns. (Why God...why? ;p)

But for every wrong (CRAzzzzZZZyyyy) thing that happens, Life shows us something good at the same time. In serious relationships,(aside from other general connotations of life such as women being a pain in the ass and men being real stubborn migraines and headaches) women are supposed to be the one neck deep in love and men just knee-deep. Women remember the dates and men don't. We hold on to our men and look at them with forever in our eyes. Forever is just the like most exciting thing in the world, while it is the men that are supposed to have cold feet about it. But lately I'm not too sure I am one of those women I just mentioned. I don't know if that makes me a bad girl but i do feel a pang of guilt when I think about it. Hell, given the choice, I would love to be like all the other stepford girlfriends 24/7, but i can only be me (babadong badong). I am still loving (fyi. to be taken as a verb), but i have forgotten how it feels like to be in love. To have that silly smirk on my face the whole day, to have the world collapse around me and not notice. Am I being unfair (rhetorical question). Just to clarify though, I am not trying to search the world for a new guy or worst... a willing quirido ;p, my point is, the word in-love has eluded me and I just wish he could take me there again (or are chocolate stages lost forever?). I love him and I just wish in my heart that I could love him the same volume he loves me. He makes me feel perfect. I know there is no one else who could love me the way he does. He loves me, amazingly...despite my topaks.(I unscrew the nails that holds your brains together-that crazy). He deserves the same kind of love. I'm working on it, he knows that. Im retracing my steps.

and yung na nga..Last night when the craziest (but wholesome) thing happened to me, he was there. I was freaking out and he was laughing. I hit him a few times for doing so. The whole scene was really confusing. It is like what i have already said before in my other blog, that everything i do, he looks at me like im the cutest little fluffy bunny in the world. Minsan hindi ko alam kung sino ang praning. Ako ba o siya? o pareho kami? Timong ka. Timong. ;p but i watched him and waited what he was going to do and he did what no other boyfriend could have done as a first reaction ( as based on subjective perception) and at that moment I was reminded (by God...or Karma, who knows), that even when i said that i have forgotten whats its like to be in love,I remembered why i fell in love with him in the first place.

Dati noong magulo pa ang lahat sa amin.
I stayed beside him while the world said I was the stupidest stupidest girl in the world (if there is such a word as 'stupidest')
Ang lovey dovey sabi ko naman noon : Even if love is full of thorns, embrace it. For in between those thorns is a love worth all the pain. (inspirational liner was not composed by me, fyi.)

So i guess the saying's true. :)
And if there is a love worth all the pain.
there will always be a love worth staying for.

~~Love me the way i are(part II)~~

Happy heartS everybody!!

Re: to Crushed.

"am not perfect nor close to it.. i have also mistakes that made me this shattered and crushed again.. i did try to conceal my imperfections..try to patch the holes but i was too late to patch things up.. it was too late..and it hurts so bad that it really kills me inside.. i tried to save it..but it was really too late.. my heart is broken.. it is shattered and and the agony will continue..i dont know how long..it hurts so bad that u easily moved on..it feels like hell.. the thought.. you are gone and out of my life..seeing you will kill me more but somehow in some ways it will make me strong..maybe not now but in time.. i know everything will be fine.. but for now i want to tell u for the last time.. i love you and each waking up knowing your gone really feels like hell..."~~~anoynymous-by choice-friend.

While the rest of us embraced the New Year with big hugs, someone i know is hugging on to love lost. Love...it is really something exclusive. The whole of each is only conceivable by the very people involve. I mean, we've all been there, friends telling you he's not worth it.., he is panget after all,that there are better loves somewhere out there,they keep asking you what you see in the guy... but still we listen only to our hearts and answer only to what we feel. It is exclusive alright. In some cases, i even think love makes us stupid. (if you've never been there, dont bother reading this blog, it might contaminate your blissful idea of love or make me sound simply pessimistic -which im not trying to be, by the way. ;)- it is complicated to those who are virgins to subjective similar situations.)Anyway, I placed a bet of 300 pesos that my broken-hearted-friend-blog-above will re-unite with dear-lost-beloved or that dear-lost-beloved will at least attempt to get back with her within 3 months. I dont hope i win though, I mean the guy is okay but personally i have a hunch he's not the one ( will not disclose my reasons in respect to both parties) and like i say in mind...'if you are not the one, dont waste time''. But then again, whatever is the outcome, as long as my friend's happy and sane , I'll be here and trust she knows what she's doing (Kaya mo yan! Repeat after me: "Pag Ibig Ka Lang!" mwahaha ;p.Hell. Ive been here (not exactly the same pero yung feeling ng despair in love i mean). God knows I've walked on hot coals and broken pieces of glass for love. Did it stop me? No. But true enough that in the sad end, real sore heartbreaks can make you cry like the Pagsanjan Falls,stay sleepless for nights, all the while feeling a gong just beneath your chest being hit over and over again. It almost seem like the pain will never ever stop. It almost seem like every little thing reminds you of that person you wish your heart can forget or if not the person at least the feelings. Its insane. Ganyan talaga ang life. Buti na lang, there will always be a rainbow after the rain, the leprechaun's pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and a leprechaun chasing after you ;p sorry sinusumpong na naman ako ng kalokahan ;p corny mo suno. Seriously,ultimately naman the heart is destined to come out wiser with a more cautious but deeper love naman on the positive side (as supposed to be). And plus! Its time to beautify (->even more). :) or sulk a few days (give yourself a deadline on the sulking though) Chippy lang katapat nyan, pancit canton, ice cream, salon, spa and popcorn na rin. :) hahaha pinapataba lang kita ;) As for cruellas that surround you, dont mind them, now that you're singlish ;p they better hold on to their bf's. (naks ang hangin mo..ehehe). In time...Mr. Right will come around and love is just bound to happen. :)

Ahh.We talked on the phone last night for hours and i listened to her endless expressions of her suddenly-poetic broken heart. (Wow 'Lugmo' ang lalim...'dalamhati' etc, just goes to prove how desperately we try to define not the word 'pain' but the feeling of pain...) I think she'll be fine though,come worst- that her love has found someone else. Because if she wont be fine, why the hell are we friends for? Didnt we learn anything from each other. Naks! hoy 300 pesos ko! I keep talking here like Im Ms. Jane de Mango. Im no love expert/therapist. Just your friendly support who is willing to listen to your mindless drama-joke!. hehe:) and maybe tease you a little bit. "Pag Ibig Ka Lang!" hahaha ;P.

Love Me The Way I Are?

As much as i would like to claim that I am perfect. Im not. :) Im just me. My heart is complicated. I will never know where Ryan gets his patience from. Why everything I do is cute (kahit sa totoo lang, pwede na akong i-silya elektrika sa topak) Life is nuts and so am I. Yes, that was hard to admit hahaha (that im nuts :p), of course i want to be dubbed "the ideal girl of the century" but Im not. All i am is me.

I like to be pampered constantly. I'm spoiled and I can be bitchy. I lose my temper over something as stupid as freakin' nothing. My flaws are all laid out. Im your silly sweet dream girl and then the girlfriend from hell the next minute. Sometimes even I confuse myself. But where people judge me, Ryan understands. I wonder why even when i'm already dead angry/unreasonable and Im being the pain in the ass that i know i am, Ryan just laughs and looks at me like im a little fluffy bunny all cute and cuddly. I hate it. That I cannot see what he sees in me. I love him. because he loves me like i know he does, and im pretty sure no man in this life could probably love me the same way (endure me the same way ;p hahaha). I mean WARNING: OCASSIONALLY POSSESSED BY AN EVIL SPIRIT. who would love someone like that? I wish i could love him the way he loves me (except pagaka seloso). (ang haba ng hairrr :P) But again Im just me, I can only love you the way my heart can. Ill try to do better. In fairness naman,Im not the typical SOCO girlfriend who is always after checking up on his private stuffs. But point me at the right wrong directions and maybe i'll be tempted to peek in every now and then. ;p ahahaha.

The winner sa Dakilang Pag-Ibig of the Century Award ay si Ryan. Thanks. For being consistent despite my inconcistencies. You know ako, I like great love stories. I dream of being in one and hindi ko kaagad na realize that Im already in one.

~~One day at time.

Abscence makes the heart grow fonder.

So True.

The Way to Keep Me.

dont lose me.
i know you question me.
i question me too.
but you know i tell you everything.
and i thank you for your patience.

i know you said you'd make me stay.
make me stay forever.
but that's not the way i want it now.
dont scare me with foreverrrrrrrrrrrr.

because we only need to make it...
one day at a time.

so when you tell a joke, i'd remember i laughed.
so when we are here we'll know we are
and when you make me happy you'll see me when i smile
let me take the plunge every day.
make me fall in love.

so dont give me forever.
where colors dont change and time just makes you old.

give me one day at a time.
and keep me forever.

Mali ang Unang Weather Forecast Ko. (",)

Picture Taken: after dinner. I was stuffed. Pati cheeks ko busog na. We both looked haggard dito. :P hahaha.

grabeh,I was quite sure yesterday was a bad day for me, whee, was i wrong. My cellphone was text-free the whole morning except for the GLobe message alerts. Around 3:45 in the afternoon, it rang. The old ring tone 'You and Me' by Cassie played (it is not like i dont want to change my ringtone but its the only ringtone available on my phone. wahahaha :P pa-bluetooth naman jan please :) ) It was Ryan calling, so i thought to myself "aba, finally naalala niya ako.hmp!" and I rejected the call, dead-ma. Then Abigail stood up and said " Che may bisita ka". I stood up and saw Ryan's grinning face through the glass window of our office front door. Nagulat na nga ako dun pa lang. She opened the door as I was on my way to the door myself (determined to stay masungit)when he lifted from his left hand a big boquet of beautiful flowers. Everyone was just as surprised as I was. My sungit face transformed into a siopao-grinning face in a split second. They started to tease me and I felt my face getting warmer. Jane: Uuuy! si Che nag bla-blush! I think i heard some more ''wow's'' echoing. "This day is absolutely happy".dot!dot! dot! He was grinning all the time. I really didnt expect him to appear with flowers in his hands, I simply thought he came early to pick me up and wanted to use the office restroom.

He waited downstairs until I can get off from work which was about 5:30pm. Nag lakad kami papunta sa Promenade to have dinner,Siya ang nagbitbit nung flowers and we were talking about how surprised I was.

The boquet was huge awkward and then sabi ko



Che: buti nadala mo yan, hehe ang laki, nakakahiya, awkward...

Ryan: "Ang tunay na lalaki hindi naman nahihiya magbitbit ng flowers, magbigay ng flowers" (para sa mahal niya)

Che: Wow, proud. very proud ah.. ;p (impressed ako ha.)

Ryan: (laughed) hahaha pinapalakas ko lang ang loob ko. ;p
Ryan and Che : BWAHAHAHAHA :P

This photo above is a re-enactment of how proud he was.hahaha :P

DINNER:I was thinking Cibo, for the pasta, but i was really craving for steak as well. We went to Tender Bob's instead.


Ryan already ate because he just came from RP team practice where they have packed lunch every after practice so he was still too full and I didnt want to force him also because his intestines are to be taken special caution of, not to overload it or over stressed. I ordered and ate all by myself one solo platter of spaghetti (without cheese) and one T-bone steak w/ rice (side dish: corn nips). Super busog :P TAKAW! GLUTTON! ;p I had to unbutton my pants afterwards hihihi. I also helped him finish off the appetizer: fried potato skins. :)


I also had chocolates for dessert. Ferrero Rocher - courtesy of my labylab. :) walang katapusang kain. :) (sa bahay ko na naubos yung natirang chocolates)



Che: Alam mo niloloko nila ako sa office, sabi ko nga sasabihin ko sa yo next time na "next time sana alahas naman" :p joke.

Ryan: Ah ganon ah...(then he unzipped his bag and pulled out a red small box.)

Che: (smiles from ear to ear) anu yan? wow. may alahas nga.:0

Ryan: Hindi mashadong okay yan pero yan muna for now ha.It was a pair of heart stud earrings. Of course! silly. I love it. Thanx! I mean the day was full of surprises. Above it all, I really really appreciated his efforts to make me feel special. It was sweet. :) Para sa akin 100 million pesoses ang halaga nito. :P (cooking) hehehe


For our last stop,We dropped by some stalls inside Greenhills and bought Czesca a Tommy Hilfiger (over-run) dress jumper. It was raining when we decided to leave. We had to offer additional 50php to the taxi driver just to give us a ride.
In the taxi, like it was a sign of good blessing, (thats how we want to look at it. walang kontra :p) a little girl knocked on our window to sell us Sampaguita. On other days, I would have honestly but not proudly not buy, but i was in a thanksgiving mood. I told Ryan to shell out some coins. We bought one to complete the blessed day. You may refer to photo below for our blessed sampaguita string necklace (doesnt fit my head though ;p) for the price of 10 php. The taxi took off and I dropped Ryan off The Arena (as he still had work to do) and then I went straight home.



Conclusion: I therefore conclude that base on the smile still on my face and the excitement in my heart, Yesterday was a happy day.

(",)