I dont always know the right words to use, when people ask me questions that are supposed to define who i am and how i am. I wish i could be more careful in choosing the words but like i said earlier i dont always have the right words. And it is so me. Im inevitably a jinx to myself sometimes. Story of my life. And i wish people could just simply not ask questions. Story of their life.
Enough. I've wasted too much blog space for that unidentifiable emotion above.
Change topic. I hate it that im sick. My voice is coarse, I sound like a guy and my back is aching so bad i could almost pin where my lungs are. *I could imagine them maroon red and swelling. *
Ryan is out to play basketball and he wont be back till 9. I wish I could play basketball. I missed shooting free throws. In fact I miss it to the extent, im willing to settle for Timezone. heyheyhey. Dont under estimate arcade basketball. ;p nakakapawis din yun ha. Buti pa ang mga guys. They can just find a court,gather a few friends or even strangers, chipped in and voila, basketball. Me I cant even think of 3 girls who likes to play basketball. Sabi ni Ryan "sama ka tapos shooting shooting ka lang dun" kaso naman if i do, mukha lang akong pa cutie pie. so never mind na lang.
Volleyball. Its not like i can go wear my rubber shoes, pack my bag and re-appear as an alumni and say hi can i join? I've taken the exit. Somewhere along there, I must have made it impossible for me to go back even if just for fun.
What i need now that i wish i can have:
I need my magic carpet. I know i dont even have one. Id like to be at the beach now please. Id really like that. Id really like not to have Ryan accuse me of checking out guys. stop. stop. stop.Im not. if...and if i am, i'll tell him naman so there is no need to accuse. Id like to be allowed to relax and not be accused of crushing on other guys. Id like to loosen the collar a little bit please. I dont even party and i usually dont go anywhere without you except for work and school.
Im not looking forward to partying like an animal, Ive never even smoked anythng other than pollution and I already learned my lesson a long long time ago that too much drinking can make you stupid. I just want to laugh a little without having to worry if its okay. I would like not to have my daily celphone check-up. No one in this entire universe texts me except my old friends / relatives and they're usually just quotes for the day, there is nothing to check. Im 24. Im not asking to be single. Im not asking for freedom. I just want to breathe a little. If im staying forever..at least let me breathe. That's why forever scares me, now i said it right. And one last thing, if you get to read this, I'd like you to take this very seriously. Ive been as good as i can get, honest as i can get,ive stuck through worst times and good times, give me what i earned. a little room for air. you know i love you. im crazy in a lot of ways but we both know that's crazy you can love. so dont go crazy on me anymore.
Dont scare me.
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